he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
