Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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