He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
