My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
