I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
