doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i barfeds in our rink
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
