4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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