Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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