Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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