i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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