is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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