Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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