i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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