I wish I could punch you in the face.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
