Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i will never coherently bang her
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
