May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
