tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
