My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
