Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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