Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
