girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
