so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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