I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
