I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
