Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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