I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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