I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
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