I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
