Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
