She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
