Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
