Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's never too late to be topless.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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