margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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