hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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