I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
