What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
