i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
