this boner is exhausting
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
