Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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