just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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