i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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