I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize