What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
