Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just gargled with NyQuil
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
