Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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