His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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