dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
