Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
