How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Randomize
