Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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