so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
