i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
