my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
