we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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