just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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