Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
