I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
